” To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment” -Ralph Waldo Emerson
Today, I said goodbye to the last person in my life who I felt the need to be something other than myself around. It’s a victory of course, but at the same time it’s an extremely strange one. Removing people from your life is a hard pill to swallow. The guilt I feel is less than what it would have been a year ago, but at the same time..it’s extremely rewarding to put yourself first. Up until this past year, I’ve always felt the consuming need to please anyone and everyone. I have a pretty busy life, and there would be times that I would run around like a mad person just to help someone out because I would feel bad if I wasn’t able to do so.. there were times when I would watch someone’s house because again.. I felt obligated to help, when really it gives me an insane amount of anxiety sleeping in someone else’s house alone. There have been times when Justin and I are living off of ramen noodles, and still if I had a couple of dollars in my wallet I would hand it over the first chance I got. I’m extremely blessed to have Justin in my life for a number of reasons, but one of my favorite reasons is that he pushes me to be happy. Not just happy for an hour, or a day. He pushes me to be the truest form of myself in every situation I’m faced with. If I’m not happy at a job anymore, he encourages me to find a new one where I will be. When I get anxious around certain people, he asks if it’s actually beneficial to have them in my life. When I point out the fact that I just destroyed a Big Mac meal with a large tea, he simply asks “well, did you enjoy it?” and immediately the nasty comments to myself in my head stop. Over the past year and a half, I have finally taken responsibility for my happiness and well-being. It hasn’t been an easy road by any means, it’s been hard to accept myself with all of my imperfections. I have a lot of situations where I just say “fuck it”. But here I am, happier than ever, stronger than before, and so in love with life that it seems like a dream. I live my life day to day, just being who I am.. a goofy, loving, stoner chick who loves people and anything outdoors. I still love making people happy and I go out of my way to brighten up someone’s day, but at least now.. it’s on my terms.
Deciding to be my most authentic self is the best thing I could have ever done. And I strongly encourage you to do the same. Do you want to live your life being this person you think everyone wants you to be. Or, are you going to do what you love, be who you are and have zero regrets in the end.
So much love to you all!